Hello I am a 26 year old female unfortunately living in Los Angeles. I say unfortunately because I feel like this city has caused me to become severely anxious and depressed over the last 5 years and I am at the end of my rope. I have struggled concentrating in school my whole life, worked several low paying entry level jobs that haven't gotten me anywhere and I can't imagine living even another year in this mental state of mind. I've been on numerous different medications, therapy, meditation, but nothing seems to help and I'm afraid I am just getting worse. I can understand why the suicide rates have gone up significantly in this country, although the thought of suicide makes me sick, I would really just rather die in my sleep or catch a disease that would end my life sooner. I grew up in a very small, unsupporting family that basically has shunned me because they don't believe in mental disorders and if I don't make over 100k a year then I am not worth talking to. My father had anger issues that probably was the route of a lot of my anxiety and depression, and my mother abandoned my sisters and myself for drugs, so I never had the compassion of a mother in my life ever. I do have some aspirations as an artist on Etsy, but dealing with anxiety on a daily basis in this competitive world makes it difficult for me to have the motivation I need. I am currently living on disability for my disorder and I only get enough to live in a tiny cramped trailer where it is very difficult for me to work on my art and stay organized. I hate relying on others, especially disability since it's essentially taking hard earned tax money from people who would rather have it for road construction for the daily commuters who are capable of working a 9-5 job everyday. I wish I was able to do that, but no employer wants an anxious and depressed person working for them when I need to have time to myself when panic attacks occur out of nowhere or I feel so depressed I will lose my appetite for weeks on end sometimes, force feeding myself and making myself sick. Sometimes I feel like my body just wants to give in and die to my depression. I wouldn't be posting this here if I wasn't desperate, unfortunately I am. I want so bad to have a nicer and bigger place for myself to call home, either in the mountains or forest, somewhere cheaper and far away from city life. I am hoping donations can help me achieve this and eventually buy a bit of property where I can be in peace and hopefully my Etsy will start getting somewhere as long as I keep promoting it. I don't do drugs, I don't even drink as it only makes me feel worse and more depressed, I found that out quite quickly and really envy those who can for fun. If I start to get help, I might have some hope for myself but right now I am completely hopeless. Please help. https://www.paypal.me/kawaiijuju