Like most Mums all I ever wanted to do was provide my chilldren with the best of everything and up until last year when disaster struck I thought that I could do that by working every hour god sent, dropping the kids of at nursery and school club at silly o clock in the morning and collecting them pretty much at bed time on a night! How wrong I was and how ashamed of myself I am to think that being a Mum was all about buying them anything and everything they ever wanted. After being involved in a horrible accident last year, my career has been taken away from me and I have realised that being a Mum..... a good Mum is about spending time with them, being there before and after school and in the holidays, making their tea, watching them squabble and fight about whos turn it is to watch a dvd or to go in the bath first...... they actually want and need their Mum! I always thought I was a good Mum but I was a rotten parent and although my accident has been horrendous and my life has been turned upside down the one good thing to come out of it is the realisation that my gorgeous kids need me, whatever state I may physically and emotionally be in.....they need, want and love their Mum......me! I cannot claim back the years that I have already missed out on but I sure as heck do not intend to let them down anymore. The irony of all of this is I actually borrowed money to pay for their childcare, was it worth it? No! And I now need help to pay it back as I have no income. I actually thought it was ok to never see or spend time with my kids..... a direct debit was effectively their Mum and I am disgusted with myself! I owe thousands to the bank for childcare debts, if I had my time again I would do things very differently I wish that I could turn back the clock but I cannot. I have made two promises the first one was to my two children in that I will never put anything before them ever again and the second was to myself to admit that I was a bad Mum and to pay back this debt as soon as possible so that I can close the door on that chapter of my life and look forward to the currently 'unknown' future. I know some of you will be disgusted with me for not realising how important my children were before my accident but all I will say is sometimes in life we all do things with good intentions without realising the damage we are actually causing. Others may be able to understand why I did what I did. Whatever your opinion is of me I honestly thought that I was doing right by my children, please if you can, help me to put right my wrongs. Thank you x