32 year old female in dire need of help

AileenB, Ireland

My name is Aileen and I am a 32 year old woman from County Tyrone, Northern Ireland. Let me explain my circumstances, I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer at 21 and opted to have fertility preserving treatment. I got married on the 25th August 2007 to the man of my dreams and we commenced our first go of ICSI a few months later, it failed. We underwent a further 4 attempts alongside countless exploratory surgeries and the stress along with my deteoriating health resulted in us going our separate ways. In August 2014, I left the home we had built with the clothes on my back and my handbag to find somewhere new to live, I had a good job as a senior sales support advisor with Terex and had been there for a few years. I hated the flat I got, it was up 6 flights of stairs and had not so nice people living below, the door did not lock onto the main street and my safety became a concern after a hostel opened next door and I was cornered by a group of men who said they where going to do allsorts to me.

So I found another house, which needed a lot of work done to it but it was within my budget, I spent every penny I earned and every second out of work making it a home. The landlord promised to do all sorts to it but never did and when he got wind of a grant for new windows he applied, however this involved getting an assessment done my environmental health and the house was condemned due to the high levels of damp and the leak in the living room roof. So off I was again homeless, tired and sore and I found the house that I am in now, a little more expensive but HOME. I don’t have much but its safe and doesn’t pose a risk to my health.

I lost my job after they could no longer sustain my late starts and hospital appointments and I have had 3 other jobs since then and have fell on my feet a little with my new role, I am working as shipping clerk for a very busy shipping line.

My current health is not so good, I have palmoplantar pustular psoriasis which is incredibly painful and makes everyday tasks very difficult, as a result of all the surgeries and damage to rectus sheath muscle in my tummy I have to have surgery every 3 months to freeze all the nerve endings in my tummy. And the depression, I am on medication but I just constantly feel dreadful, some days I think what’s the point, but I get up when I can and go to work and kind of function on auto pilot. I had a full hysterectomy a short while ago and am now on HRT also for the rest of my days, it just makes me so sad to know that not only can I never have a family of my own but that I also will most likely never be approved for adoption due to my health.

I have no friends, just work colleagues and my family are of no help whatsoever, I only hear from them when they need anything. I have a wee miniature jack russell called Poppy and she is my life.

I have over the course of my separation and then divorce, gotten myself into serious financial problems – with my monthly income not being the same due to sick leave, hospital appointments and of course I done the unthinkable and added a few payday loans into the mix.

I haven’t eaten in three days, I have tried everything locally to try and get help but either I am knocking on the wrong doors or they can’t. I cannot even get an appointment with my own GP until next week. I honestly do not know what to do but writing to you has helped get it all out. Noone has any clue not even at work how dire things actually are and I would be so embarrassed if they ever found out. My electric has probably ran out on the meter since I’ve been at work so I am going home to a dark house with a rumbling tummy. I am not due to get paid again until the 25th of September and don’t know what to do.

Please, please help me.